just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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