Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
