Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
