I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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