remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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