I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize