The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's always time for handjobs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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