I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
