I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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