he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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