Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
