I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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