I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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