I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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