..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Houston, we have a blender
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
