Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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