theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
