just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
