I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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