if i died would you start the facebook group?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
