I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
