I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cannot find my penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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