If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
