Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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