Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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