I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just puked most of my soul out..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize