I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
