We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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