How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize