I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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