i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Panties = found
Randomize
