Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its about making memories worth repressing
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize