How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
