the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
