Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
