Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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