Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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