i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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