We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
