I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
