I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
