We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
