my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
love makes seman taste better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
