Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
