i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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