You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
