i think my mom watched the whole time
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
