Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
