that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize