Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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