What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
