THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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