Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
