i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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