If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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