did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize