Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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