One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
