now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
