Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize