i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
