he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
