Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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