and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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