she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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