and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
