She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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