call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
